Sorry to sound negative, that's not my intention in the slightest, but I'll just be listing any grammar/syntax errors as I go... Spoilers to anyone who hasn't read it yet. [spoiler]A lot of useful information is presented on this High Council in the first paragraph of the story. I admit it's important for future reference, but it seems like a lot of "telling" without much "presenting". Just save some of the info for a place where it fits better. "After invested research?" After Sideros says "Fireteam Shachal" in the beginning of his dialogue, he doesn't need to keep repeating it since everyone in the room already knows what he's referring to. You can still say it more than once for emphasis, but swap it out for pronouns every once in a while. Nightfall is a singular event. In order to be doing something "during nightfall", it would have to be referring to dusk, not all of the night. "longsuffering"? Someone who had been born during/after the collapse probably wouldn't find it hard to accept their current reality. Perhaps mention someone in the narrator's past who tells him stories of the world "before"? This isn't an error, but I had to mention I really like the part about being alien to our own home. Great descriptive phrase! A sentence says "Because of the Collapse and those...", but then goes on to say humanity doesn't know how it lost its home. His solace is found in the night, so saying he has to wait for another "day" is kind of contradictory.[/spoiler] I'd like to emphasize that I'm not trying to rain on your parade. A lot of these FanFics can be really bad, and I don't bother commenting on those. The only reason I make all of these remarks is because I think you deserve someone to give you honest feedback, and that you can really go somewhere with this. I also apologize if you're offended at all. I have a very critical and detail-oriented attitude, although I don't try to, and it can seem kind of harsh sometimes. I feel it's also necessary to mention that I really liked it.