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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
Edited by Eterteeter: 2/17/2014 10:36:59 PM
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The Longest Stride Prologue: A Message

The Longest Stride Prologue: A Message The Traveler hung low above The City as the sun began its decent into the mountains. Nightfall's arrival was close, as signified by the cooling breeze and the orangish pink sky. Most people would be in their house by now to fend off the cold and yet, Chloe walked down the dirty streets. She felt eyes stalking her from all directions as people watched from broken windows and rotting doorsteps. Little children stopped play their game to watch the young lady walk by. Others looked on, their face showing that of envy and pain. She felt bad for these people, always wishing that the Council would do something instead of sitting around. Chloe quickly sped up her pace as another cold breeze nipped at her body. 'Almost there' she thought as her destination was coming into view. She read the small sign that hung out from the old building, confirming her suspicions as though she forgotten. There was no way she would every forget this location, she had been there so many times before. She know that he would be inside. After all, this was his favorite bar in The City. Chloe stood at the front door of bar, something was causing her to hesitate going inside. She felt her steady heartbeat begin to rise, while sweat began to form on her hands. "Well, you goin' inside or are you goin' just stand?" Chloe hadn't noticed the man leaning against the wall. She nodded to the man, who preceded to lit a cigar. Chloe took a deep breath and pushed the door opened. ____________ As Chloe walked into the bar, she was assaulted by the smell of smoke and cheap alcohol. As she waved the the foul oder from her face, she noticed that it had gotten quiet and that everyone in the bar was staring right her. Their blank stares were piercing her like needles. After a couple of seconds, they turned away and went back to their drinks and conversations. Chloe quickly scanned the room, located her target, and began walking towards him. Chloe suddenly felt something warp around her hip, causing her to stop and stand still. She looked down at the hand that held her back, the fingers slowly moving around her hip. "Hey, where do think your going beautiful. Come sit and drink with us." a voice said as Chloe looked at the man. She could already tell that he and his friends were drunk, the man's words were slurred and the smell of alcohol was strong. She had no time to be missing around with the likes of these people, despite her needing to talk with one. "No thank y-"she tried to move, but the mans griped tightened. "I said have a drink with me." the man's tone changed from lighthearted to a very serious one. He turned back to his friends, who then started laughing. Chloe had no choice but to use one of her many secret weapons. She starred into man's eyes, passing on a very callous message. Many people around the Academy had label this stare 'The Death Stare', as it always sends the right message to whoever looks into those cerulean eyes. Chloe rarely chooses to use it, despite it's effectiveness. The man's eyes widened and slowly pulled his hand away. He then turned back around and allowed for his head to drop in the table, whiles his friends busted out laughing. Chloe continued her walked and eventually arrival to face a man who sat in the back corner of the bar. The man was in a relaxed pose. A couple of shot glass next to his feet, which rested on the table. Leaning his chair back against the wall, his arms were folded behind his head and an old duster hat was tilted over the man's face. Chloe could not tell of the man was asleep or not; she almost did not want to bother him, but she had to talk with him. "Father?" her voice was confident and strong, easily breaking through the loud voices of the bar. The man did not respond, nor did he stir from his pose. "Father?" she asked again. " What are doing here Missy? " man responded, his voice raspy and bitter from the cheap liquor." And don't call me that." "Sorry MacGraw, I just came to te-" she was cut off by her father. "Shouldn't you be playing girl scout or somethin'?" "Thats not important right now." Chloe began," I just wanted to make sure your ok.". Though she know that was a lie, there was some truth to her statement. MacGraw chuckled at her reason, knowing that it was a lie. " Don't worry Missy, I'll be fine." he said, his voice slurring. "Well I mean, if your sur-" Chloe stopped herself as MacGraw started laughing for no reason. She felt her eyebrow raise slightly as his tone became serious again. "Go! Get out of her before I have to save your butt again." his barked at her, his request turning into a command. Chloe felt her hands form into fist at his order, but instantly in clinched them. ' He is the one who needs saving.'. She turned around and quickly exited the bar without a second thought. The man from outside walked inside fist as she left. The night air welcomed her as the moon light up a path back towards the Tower. ____________ MacGraw sat there, his drunken mind hard at though about Chloe. He had notice that another person was stand next to him. Mac's anger was building inside him as he told the bartender to leave him be. "You MacGraw?" the figure next to Mac spoke up. Mac turned around to face the large man who was looking down on him. "What's it to ya?" Mac responded while straightening up in the chair. " I have a message for you." the man dug around a pocket and pulled out a tiny piece of paper. He placed it down on the table and left without saying another word. Mac opened the paper and read its contents, a frown appearing on his mouth. MacGraw immediately picked up the paper and abruptly left the table. 'There's no way.' Mac thought. End of Prologue I hope you guys my start this story. Some feedback would be nice whether it is constructive or just small talk. Thanks for reading.

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  • Good story, but I have a question: how did you go about proofreading (not spell checking)? There are a some errors such as quite instead of quiet, starring (like star) in the place of staring (like stare) and a few where the tense got mixed up "quickly speed up her pace" it should be "sped up" and "pushed the door opened" Again the story is good, but little errors had me scratching my head. I look forward to the next one.

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