Greetings fellow Humans!
Recently it was made aware to me that one of our own has taken it upon himself to run for Mayor of The City. His name is FoMan, and he appears to be new to this site so he'll need all the false hope and pretend love and affection you can muster. But we all know you can't spell "Mayor" without "Race", so why don't we turn this run for mayor into what it really should be? A race! A disgusting, vile, pointless, yet violently brutal race for the prize of nothing of value. Except my beautiful slavesss- ssseerrrsweet, sweet people. Yes. You, you hideously beautiful people.
Anyways, now that I'm off to a domain start, I figured it would be wise to disclose my plans as mayor, once I finish purchasing or rigging your votes.
- First and foremost, we really need people to connect, we want to bring one another together in a more personal manner. How will I do this? For the fine price of $10.00 (Cheap by today's standards), you will be issued a IHYFF Card. This allows citizens to literally punch anyone in the face. ANYOE. Its the "I Hate Your F***ing Face" Card. Little Timmy giving you cut-eye? Not a problem! Flash your IHYFF Card, and you pummel that little rebel before he even gets a chance to stick his tongue out at you.
- Jobs for all! And when I say jobs, I actually mean you'll get assigned tasks and if you come back alive, then your payment will have been the gratification you gained from your success. Come back dead? Well, you then theoretically did not complete your job, which means you're technically in the hole, which may result in your next of kin being forced to either complete the task in your place, or since I do consider myself rather lenient with these things... Your love one MAY hand over all personal belongings that you may have owned in place of them doing your mission. Fairness for all!
- Another important gift I will bring to my people as Mayor will be large fire-breathing flying lizards. These creatures also known as Dragons will be given to each citizen in exchange for their personal belongings and or money. (*Ownership of a Dragon is non-negotiable and is mandatory). Dragons can be used for flight, combat, and companionship if it has not killed you within the first 24 hours.
So, like working? Vote for Helveck! Like sharing? Vote for Helveck! Like interacting on a personal level with your fellow humans? Vote for Helveck! Like Dragons? Vote for Helveck? Don't like Dragons? Don't want one? Can't handle one? Want to keep the threat of a giant fire breathing monster hunting you down if you don't vote for Helveck away? Vote for Helveck!
[i]This message is paid for by the Dragon Dictatorship of our Supreme Overload, his Majestic Mighty Master of all things, Dragon Master Helveck.[/i]
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Hail Helveck! *does Hitler salute*
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Help! Help! I'm beingrrepressed!
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I don't think anyone should be the mayor. Especially a lowly player. If there was to be a mayor in game it would be someone from Bungie. Just sayin'
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I want an exo with Morgan Freeman voice to be mayor
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You should check you spelling bud mayor does not have race in it :)
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Yes please
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[i][b][u]DENIED[/i][/b][/u] We've all seen how Canadian Mayors run things.... In Destiny mankind is fighting for survival, not the right to party and fall down, repeatedly.
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I don't know if I'd trust a Canadian Mayor...how do I know you won't start doing crack and abusing #Dragons?
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I'm voting for Mayor McCheeseBurger.. At least this way, if he sucks as a Mayor, we can eat him... Have a surreal day.. Dr. Evil - Team Denny's..
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Jim Carrey already runs the place (True guardians will know what I mean!)
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You remind me of a certain [i]Glorious North Korean Supreme Leader[/i], so you've earned my vote. Except he didn't offer his people dragons. He offered them nukes, which are also pretty cool.
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Please don't let these mayor things become a trend...
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xD quite funny lol but no
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This is just ridiculous
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Edited by lll: 7/17/2013 8:34:19 AMThis has to be one of the dumbest ideas for a thread I've seen thus far.
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I will vote for you... IF the bacon rite is only allowed to me, I will become your bacon supervisor. Citizens of the city will only be allowed to eat the sweet piggy flesh if given my permission to do so (which I will immediately decline without having read the request form. Shhhhhhhhhh) any violators will be shot... By me... With a pig's ass... His name is porky
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I vote for all the stray cats in the city! May the have more kittens!
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Where will you be during launch of destiny, so I may come assassinate you.. -_-
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Edited by Commander Tempu: 7/16/2013 1:17:19 PMI smell corruption sorry shutting you down.*Dons Last City Pecekeeper Guardian outfit. Troops rush in to take in the would be Overlord into custody. Throws him in a secured van. Then gives him a nice cell till the trial comes.* we have your records. Sorry this is a peaceful city.
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Now all we need is a sex scandal to hit either candidate. It depends on who bids first.
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This is really dumb...
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Why are people actually doing this?
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Morgan freeman is winning this election.
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I support those who support #dragons.
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Edited by Player 1: 7/16/2013 3:56:36 AMWhy not Helveck!
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Ghost: Sir, it seems that you have gotten a new message in your inbox Guardian: Hopefully it is about the funds that I send to that Prince Grunt, such a nice guy down on his luck-- what the heck is this!? Running for Mayor.. would appreciate your vote...blah blah blah Ghost: It seems that you have a chance to do your civic duty,sir. It could also be a good opportunity to have a politician owe you a favor- Guardian: *deletes message* Meh, never trusted politicians. They lie just like the girls who I give out my phone number to but never call Ghost: I guess this is the best outcome, for all the people involved. Specially the girls