I recently interviewed several bosses in destiny. And asked them to describe themselves in one sentence. For best experience read in MLG voice.
Luke smith: Whether we wanted it or not, we've stepped into a war with [i][b][u]Bungie [/u][/b][/i]on [b][i][u]Destiny[/u][/i][/b]. So let's get to taking out their command, one by one. [b][i][u]Luke Smith[/u][/i][/b]. From what I can gather he commands [b][i][u]Eververse[/u][/i][/b] from an Imperial Land Tank outside of [i][b][u]Bungie HQ[/u][/b][/i]. He's well protected, but with the right team, we can punch through those defenses, take this beast out, and break their grip on [b][i][u]Our Money[/u][/i][/b].
Sepiks Prime: I'm in one of derpy taco11's favorite strikes.
Pilot Sevitor(PoE): I'm not actually a pilot.
Skolas: I have more health than all the bosses combined.
Thaviks The Depraved: Bungie asked me if I wanted to be invisible, have sharp blade, and be absolute bitch to kill. I replied with "let's go wreck some scrubs!"
Basoriks, Wolves' Guard: My name explains itself.
Brandaks Prime: I have no lore. But have cool name.
Draksis, winter kell: I had one of the better missions.
Graxus, Blind Captain: Have you seen my eyes?
Jaliks: I almost got failsafe but then she got me.
Sylok the defiled: I'm one of the biggest destiny memes.
Valus Ta'aurc: "Whether we wanted it or not, we've stepped into a war with the Cabal on Mars. So let's get to taking out their command, one by one. Valus Ta'aurc. From what I can gather he commands the Siege Dancers from an Imperial Land Tank outside of Rubicon. He's well protected, but with the right team, we can punch through those defenses, take this beast out, and break their grip on Freehold."
Crota: I have severe daddy issues.
Omnigul, Will of Crota: I hope you enjoyed my seven hour strike.
Randal the vandal: A bungie employee thought it would be funny to add a bunch of 0s to my maximum health.
Oryx: I revived Destiny.
Golgoroth: I'm oryx's guard dog.
Deathsinger: I'm in your nightmares.
Psion Flayer: I may be small but I still have a dope ass cloak.
Maksor, Starving Scavenger: My name sounds very interesting but bungie doesn't know what lore is.
Aksis: picture this.-
Teammate: Who's left?
Me: I'm left!
Teammate: Is anyone left?
Me: IM LEFT!
Teammate: I'm going left.
*Aksis goes middle and we all wipe*
Atheon, Time's Conflux: To this day I still refuse to give derpy taco11 his Vex Mythoclast.
Gaul: I was roasted by the speaker.
Calus: I'm a giant -blam!-ing robot
Panoptes, Infinite Mind: Im a Hydra with hands.
Protheon, Modular Mind: I'm a boring boss.
Taniks: I haz no house.
S.A.B.E.R.-2:
"Look you stupid bastard! You've got no arms left."
"Yes I have!"
"Then what's that?"
"Just a flesh wound."
Vosik, the Archpriest: picture this.
Me: Hold the door I'm almost there.
...
Me: never mind close it.
Teammate: But you just said keep it open.
Me: Close it! Close it!
*Squad wiped*
Warpriest: I've got the power of god and anime on my side. [i][b][u]REEEEEE[/u][/b][/i]
Gorgon: let's have a staring contest...
Siege Engine: you'll never catch me when I shift into Maximum Overdrive!
Rahndel, the Perfected: Thanks a lot bungie now I'm a -blam!-ing meme.
Supplicant: allahu akbar!!
pls no ban. It is joke.
Templar: I'm a big hydra.
Kovik, Splicer Priest: my Shanks do all the work, I just exist and run around sometimes.
Weksis, the Meek: I've done so much stuff there's a bounty on my head... yet still my kell thinks I should be a -blam!-ing dreg.
Keksis, the Betrayed: Say good bye to your eardrums.
Alak-Hul, the Darkblade: Now you see me, now you don't BITCHES!
Cursed Thrall: allahu akbar!!
Pls no ban.
Morphon, Blighted Mind: I'm a weak boss but I look cool as shit.
Argos, Planetary Core: I'm not actually a core, I just said that too sound cool.
Brakion, Genesis Mind: I'm a Hobgoblin on steroids.
Urrox, Flame Prince (DiscTrapG4m3r): The floor is lava bitch.
Thumos, the Unbroken: I is now broken.
Savathûn's Song: I can't sing.
Fanatic: allahu akbar!!
Pls no ban.
Nexus: My splash damage is a Bitch.
Exploder Shank: allahu akbar!!
Pls no ban.
Commander Edru'us: Derpy taco11 is a dick.
Variks, The Loyal: Skolas once told me to stand still, then he cut off my arms.
Theosyion, the Restorative Mind: I'm a gorgon on steroids.
Kaliks-4: I can drive a ship with no hands.
Khartion, Archival Mind: I was body slammed by a cabal before I could show my power. Now I live on the destiny forums.
Bond brothers: GIVE US THE PRIMUS OR WE BLOW THE SHIP
I will add more bosses to the mix later on.
Remember MyTag to find my other stuff.
I update constantly so check back periodically for more bosses.
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Allah Ackbar should just be Cursed Thralls. Exploder Shanks should be: “TENNAI HECKO BANZAIIIII!!!!”