I'm going to try my hand at a positive post. Its my first time so bear with me. Do you have have "bad thoughts", like imagining killing someone you love and wondering if that thought is something you might act on? This is actually normal, and psychologists call it "intrusive thoughts". I've struggled with this issue throughout my life (yes, I'm older than 18), imaging doing something really bad, wondering if I want to do it, and whether I actually would. Maybe one day I will just pick up that knife and stab my Mom (who I have a decent relationship with). Then the thoughts about how I will feel after committing the act, going to prison, my family shunning me etc... Its a normal thing. You are not possessed by demons (I've considered that in the past), and you are not a despicable person. Usually, these thoughts can involve actions that are the exact opposite of who you really are and what you actually want to do. Trying to push the thoughts out of your mind, and or questioning if you actually desire to act on them can lead to a vicious cycle that just keeps the morbid ideas coming. Its a Shitty version of The Game. When you think about The Game, you've lost The Game. For some, this can be a sign of clinical OCD. Its something you can work through and learn to process. One thing that helps me is redirecting the negative thought into something positive. Like instead of imagining stabbing my Mom, I imagine in the moment that the thought enters my mind an ISIS operative standing behind her, and me stabbing him instead. Yes, I know this sounds goofy and a little cringy, but it can help. If you struggle with intrusive thoughts to the point of depression or even suicidal feelings, get some help. I did. Therapists are actually usually pretty cool people and they can help you understand yourself in new ways if you are honest and open about yourself. You arn't going to get sent to the loony bin. Trust me. If you think you have thought of dark and twisted shit, I'm sure I've outdone you. Therapists are not surprised at anything. Thoughts are thoughts, not actions. No one is going to lock you away. Anyway, here are some helpful links on intrusive thoughts. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/am-i-normal/201110/intrusive-thoughts-normal-or-not If you struggle with this issue remember that you are not alone. I hope this helps. I'm going to go back to being a pessimist now. See ya...