I made a decision to avoid posting topics whose humor is derived from the reaction of the replies, not from content of the topic itself. Obviously this topic was treading on that line and not many people could see it was satirical. Therefore many angry replies were had despite it being tagged #satire. But rather than leave the thread up with a disclaimer, I feel it's better to take it down. So...sorry.
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Hey bro! That's too crazy, I was just thinking about you a bit ago and was gonna shoot u a hello in a few. I'll just say the quick "Hey" here, ttys...:)